About 10 percent of couples in Israel live with partners with an age gap of 15 years or more. Among the more famous couples are Michal HaKeta and Yehuda Buchbot, Danielle Pick and Quentin Tarantino, Rami Kleinstein and Alex Ilan, and model Esti Ginsburg and Adi Kayzerman.
When traveling through Thailand's coastal towns, it's hard not to notice a phenomenon: Western men aged 55, 60, and even 75, accompanied by Thai women who are twenty, thirty, and sometimes even forty years younger. For some, it's true love, for others, it's a financial transaction disguised as romance. The reality, as usual, is much more complex.
Aaron: I'm looking for a pampering woman
Studies indicate that some older Western men feel that gender perceptions in the West have changed, and are looking for a relationship in which there is greater room for traditional roles of relationship and home management.
Aaron, A retiree for several years, he claims: "I prefer a woman from the East. The women there know how to pamper their men. I want love, but I'm looking for a woman who is less argumentative about everything, who knows how to appreciate what is done for her. It was hard for me to find that in Israelis. After the divorce, I dated women in Israel, but it didn't work out. Why? Lots of complaints, criticism, and demands that I couldn't meet. Like what? Why don't I send a good morning message every day, why don't I buy gifts and pay for all the expenses. As if I were some kind of Rothschild. We both worked, we're both retirees, why should I be the only one paying? And if I did, let's say I paid, I received treatment? No, there's no mentality to pamper your partner.
Equality is outside, a woman can work, a woman can have a career, she can do what she wants just like a man, but at home, in the relationship itself, I'm not looking for equality. I'm a man and I want a woman who knows how to be a woman. I don't think that's called a servant. My mother wasn't a servant. She was a woman of the past and there was mutual respect, because everyone did their part. Dad provided, and Mom took care of everyone else and maintained Dad's honor.
"Did I date young women in Israel too? Of course not. Young women in the Western world will not date an older man with a twenty-thirty year gap, unless he is a philanthropic millionaire. And I am not a millionaire."
"In Israel, everything is expensive and I have to calculate expenses. But in the East it's much cheaper and there I can afford more. Do I think this is exploitation of women from a low economic status? It's really not exploitation. Maybe she's taking advantage of me. There, an age gap is not unusual and marriage to a Western man represents an opportunity for a more stable life, a better education for their children and the possibility of financially supporting their family. In some of the mixed couples, the woman opened a business with the help of the Western husband, creating opportunities for herself that she otherwise couldn't even dream of."
Meir: Women fall in love with you when you are generous
Meyer, A computer repair technician, he closed his business last year. "I met a girl from the East over the Internet, we talked, exchanged pictures, and there was an immediate click. She's not a little girl, she's 45, her children are grown, and she wants a good relationship with someone from the Western world. She wants to fall in love and also wants financial well-being, to taste a little of the good life. She has no problem with the fact that I'm 72. I'll be going to meet her soon."
Meir says he has met many older men on the sites he surfs on and on trips he has made to the East. "Most of them say they feel more valued and respected in these relationships, as opposed to the feeling of rejection or irrelevance they felt in the Western 'dating market' because of their age. A relationship with a woman from the East probably allows men who enter into a relationship a sense of meaning and appreciation, for their financial support and their interest in the woman's development. Women fall in love with you when you are generous, and it is not difficult to be generous there."
He says that he had known Eastern European women in the past and even traveled to meet them, but it didn't always work out. "Eastern European women are very beautiful, elegant, and want to move to Israel. The ones I met asked for much more than I had to give. Of course, there were also those I didn't like. Now I'm on dating sites with Thailand, with Nepal, places where there is a lot of respect for age and Western men."
Thailand, Russia, Ukraine, and the Philippines are the four countries most associated with the phenomenon of international marriage for older Western men, but each has a different social, economic, and cultural background. It's not as simple as it sounds. There are challenges in intercultural marriage. There is a gap in language, in humor, there are differences in mentality, in world knowledge, and in behavioral perceptions.
Meir doesn't ignore the gaps that may arise. "That's why you need to get to know someone before making a decision. It's important for me to talk first, to see who she is, and for her to get to know me, to see if she's intelligent, if she's interesting to be with. There are girls there who have worked a bit in Western countries, sometimes they've been exposed to tourists and information, these are things that help bridge certain gaps."
An opportunity to improve quality of life
Thailand has also become a favorite destination for Western retirees thanks to its relatively low cost of living, comfortable climate and large communities of foreigners. For those reaching old age when loneliness becomes more tangible, the opportunity to build a new life in a place where they feel wanted can be as significant as the money. Studies show that marriages between Thai women and Westerners make up less than one percent of all married couples in Thailand. Still, there are tens of thousands of couples, and the vast majority of them are Western men married to Thai women, not vice versa.
A demographic study based on census data in Thailand identified about 56 Westerners married to Thai couples, compared to about 3,700 women married to Thais. The age gaps are significantly larger than is common in the West. According to the study, the gap between a British man and a Thai woman is about 17 years; for Americans, it is about 16 years; for Germans, it is about 15 years; and for Swedes and Norwegians, it is about 17–18 years. The Israelis I met sometimes look for larger gaps, even when the man is 70 or older.
There is no single "type" of man looking for a foreign partner. There are retirees seeking a higher quality of life and lower living costs, divorcees or widowers who feel that the Western dating market has become difficult for them, and men who have worked for years in Asia, moved there and developed relationships with local people.
And what attracts young women? Here too, there is no single answer. Studies indicate a combination of economic stability, future security, the possibility of improving the standard of living and sometimes also the opportunity to emigrate, integrate into Western society and earn a higher living. Connections are formed at work, in school, on the Internet or by chance meeting. Many of the women who sought relationships with Western men were previously married and had children from a previous relationship.
The assumption that everything is based on money and exploitation does not hold true for all couples involved. Economic disparities play a role, but qualitative studies show that in many cases long-term relationships develop, including a joint family, children, mutual care in old age, and even full integration into the local community. The argument is that this is a different language of love.
Thai society is not unanimous about these mixed marriages. In some rural areas, marrying a foreigner is seen as a source of pride and an improvement in the family's economic situation. In other places, there is criticism of the power imbalance and the economic dependence that may result.
Miracles: She works and saves for herself
The Philippines is also one of the most prominent countries in the world in the field of international partnerships and marriages. There, the woman usually emigrates to her partner's country. The fact that English is an official language in the country makes it easier to communicate with Western partners. Since there is a long tradition of working and emigrating abroad, moving to another country is not seen as an unusual step.
According to the Philippine government, thousands of marriages are registered each year between Filipino citizens and foreign nationals. For years, Americans have been the largest group, followed by Japanese, Australians, Canadians, Britons and Koreans. There are also significant economic disparities here, but studies emphasize that it is not just about money. Many of the couples meet through work, school, travel or dating sites and report long-term relationships and mutual commitment.
In the 90s and early 2000s, after the collapse of the Soviet Union, a large industry of international dating agencies grew. Thousands of women from Russia, Ukraine, Belarus and other countries met men from the United States, Canada, Germany, Britain and Australia, and many of them emigrated following marriage.
Since 2022, the situation has changed dramatically, mainly due to the war in Ukraine and the mass migration of Ukrainian women to European countries. In Russia, international isolation and difficulties in issuing visas have reduced some dating and marriages with Westerners. Studies on “migration marriages” indicate age gaps that are larger than average in Western countries, but usually around 8 to 15 years. And unlike Thailand, in Russia and Ukraine the pattern was usually that the woman was the one who migrated to the partner’s country.
Miracles He met his partner when she was his mother's caregiver. She came to work in Israel from Ukraine and stayed with him after his mother passed away. He is happy in her presence, it is clear that she is dear to his heart, but when asked, he says that it is good because she will take care of him when he gets old.
"She continues to work and at the same time also takes care of me, takes care of the house, even my children love her because she is good to them. I am 18 years older than her. I made a will, she has a small part of my savings, which will allow her to get by. The house will go to the children. Where will she live? In the meantime, she continues to work and saves her money. I pay all the current expenses, so by the time I am gone, she can even buy herself an apartment," he says.
When the woman is the older one
The phenomenon of older women living with or marrying younger men exists all over the world, but it is statistically less common and, above all, less accepted as natural. When a 70-year-old man lives with a 35-year-old woman, many assume that there is a financial motive. When a 60-year-old woman lives with a 35-year-old man, many assume that the motive is sexual or that it is an "age crisis." In both cases, these are assumptions based on stereotypes.
In Western countries, only 5 to 10 percent of couples are those in which the woman is older than the man, and in most cases the age gap is relatively small. When it comes to a gap of ten years or more, it is less than 2 percent of couples in most Western countries. The term "Cougar," which was intended to describe an older woman who dates a younger man, has become less acceptable in recent years, because it is perceived as a stereotypical and sometimes derogatory label. Today, people prefer to talk simply about relationships with an age gap without turning the woman into an exotic species, just because she is the older one in the relationship.
Studies suggest possible benefits in such relationships: women sometimes report higher satisfaction with their marriage and intimate life, and young men may be more flexible in dividing roles and less committed to traditional norms. Among the famous couples are Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron, with an age gap of about 24 years, or singer Cher and Alexandre Edwards, with an age gap of about 40 years.
At the end of the day, there is no single formula for love. There are couples formed out of mutual interest, there are relationships in which money plays a central role. There are couples who start with huge gaps in age, culture, and status and discover love along the way. In each of these relationships, emotion, attraction, a desire for financial security, alleviation of loneliness, a need for appreciation, and hope for a better future operate simultaneously. Perhaps the interesting question is not why an older man wants a younger woman or why an older woman wants a younger man, but why we still feel the need to find a special reason for love, when the partners do not fit the picture we are used to seeing.
✨️LOVE = MAGIC💔