She: You and I are one.
I move uncomfortably.
Him: What the hell, I can barely manage myself, I don't have any air anyway...
She: Turning to me, what are you saying?
What am I doing wrong?!
Me: There's a concept that describes what's happening right now in your couple's dynamic,
"The illusion of fusion"
That is, you and I are one against the freedom of separation.
This statement of "we are one" sounds romantic and beautiful, but it is actually a warning light.
This one may "swallow" both of you because then there is no separation, no room for a healthy relationship, there is an assimilation without limits that defines who I am and who you are.
Hence the correct thing to do is to agree and accept.
You are a circle.
You are a circle.
And you are two separate circles that kiss each other.
Sometimes you are close, sometimes distant, some are united, but each circle is an individual in itself, who comes into contact with personal history, from the family constellation in which he grew up and in which habits, sayings, were assimilated.
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If we have succeeded and reached this understanding, we will be able to turn to recognizing our unresolved problems, which originate in our past and childhood wounds, and we will be able to take responsibility for them, as if we are "the problem owners," which does not mean that we are left alone with the problem...
This focus comes so that we can also ask for help from our partner.
Help instead of blaming and shaming.
In a relationship, there is a mutual reflection of our problems.
The Talmud states: "Anything that is invalidated by a person is invalidated."
The agreement to take responsibility and see the partner as a trigger for the problem to surface and not as the husband or the source of the problem. This agreement opens a new channel of communication that allows for dialogue, and as mentioned, without projecting and blaming the other.
Awareness of this is the right way to heal our wounds within our relationship. Symbolically, as if to be the "doctor" who helps heal each other.
Healing that brings personal and marital growth.
Healing that leads to a relationship that has loving behavior, which expresses respect, appreciation, and awareness of the other's sensitivities, to a friendship that has intimacy and sacrifice out of closeness (not sacrifice).
• We are born into a relationship.
• We get hurt within a relationship.
• We heal from relationship. / Dr. Harville Hendricks, Imago Method psychotherapist.