Memorial day from the words of a bereaved brother
"Whoa, what happened?" mother cried.
"That's it, Zadok is gone, our Zadok is gone." Father replied and mother continued: "Ami, why did you take Zadok, why?" (Ami is my mother's brother who was killed by paratroopers 10 years ago.)
This is Memorial Day for me, I remember that terrible day when my parents were informed that my brother Zadok had been killed.
Writes and cries, writes and cries after 40 years that my brother did not return. Memorial Day is upon us, 70 years since the establishment of the state, for me it is a state that took my brother in uniform and left me alone with the burden of bereavement on my shoulders. I was not taught to be a bereaved brother, we are not recognized as bereaved brothers but to wrap us in a messageLetter :"Take care of your parents", "Be strong, your parents need you", do it like that because your brother would like it."
Where am I in the picture? Hey,,,,
To remind you, I lost the only brother I had, for many years I continued my life as a son of bereaved parents, I canceled my feelings, I repressed my pain to protect my parents, and today my heart drinks blood, I go through the bereavement as if it happened yesterday and my mother's cries tear my soul apart.
Brother Zadok, Memorial Day 40, the entire State of Israel bows to you too, hugs, sympathizes, says words of comfort, another week, just me with you and the pillow, remember the quarrels between us?
Remember the whispers that the parents didn't know? remember?
On Wednesday we will go to your grave together with the entire State of Israel, I will wrap my face in a mask of "everything is fine", I will smile to comforters, I will shake hands with those who sympathize and I will wait for Thursday for everything to pass and I will be only with you, alone, on a pillow at night and I will remember a song that vibrates my soul:
that the heart cries only God hears
The pain rises from the soul
A man falls before he sinks
With a small prayer he cuts the silence.
Hear Israel, O God, you are omnipotent
You gave me life, you gave me everything
Eyes tear heart cries quietly
And when the heart is silent the soul cries out.
Hear Israel God, now I am alone
Strengthen me, God, make me not afraid
Great pain and there's nowhere to run
Make it end because I have no strength left.
When the heart weeps time stands still
Man sees his whole life suddenly
He doesn't want to go into the unknown
He calls to his God on the brink of an abyss.
Hear Israel God...
Peace be upon you, righteous, peace be upon you.