The security reality affects us all and raises the threshold of stress, anxiety and worry, and children – even when they don’t say it in words – feel it well. They perceive beyond words and information, the tone of voice, the body language, the worry and tension that comes from the environment and the pressure the parents are under, and sometimes we are not aware enough of how they interpret it. Children hear everything, even if they don’t react in a visible way. Keren Zamir, Chief Social Worker at Meuhedet Explains what we can do to help our child.
In routine and emergency situations, parents' behavior and reactions have a decisive influence on their children. They watch their parents and see them as a significant figure, an anchor of security and stability. Therefore, it is important that you become calming, stable, and in-control figures for your children – even when it is not easy. When we as parents feel helpless and panicked, we send our children a message that we are unable to provide our children with the security they need and may even exacerbate the anxiety they are experiencing. In such a situation, we must send a message that there is a responsible and caring adult standing before them, who can serve as an address for them for consultation, reassurance, and assistance.
In cases where you feel that the situation is beyond your control, do not hesitate to reach out to other family members, close friends, or professionals who can be a support for you. A calm parent is the most important asset to a child in times of distress.
The more we can help children maintain a normal routine, the more we will strengthen the child's ability to muster the strength to cope. Try to create opportunities for your children to meet, play, and talk with their friends as much as possible. And in your home, create a pleasant atmosphere and increase joint games and joint and social activities. Routine provides children with a sense of security and control over reality, even when it fluctuates. Try to maintain regular bedtimes, regular meals, and familiar daily frameworks as much as possible.
Different people react in different ways during an emergency. It is important to know each person's coping methods and strive to expand the range of responses. Using a variety of coping methods, such as: talking about the situation, drawing what you feel, ignoring and acting 'normal', being with friends, crying, engaging in physical activity, and more, contributes to the ability to cope.
It is important to remember that there is no single "right" way to deal with a difficulty. A child who has returned to behaving normally is not denying reality, but is activating a healthy defense mechanism. On the other hand, a child who is having difficulty functioning normally needs additional support and understanding. Listen to your child, give him space to express himself in a way that suits him, and do not impose ways of coping on him that do not suit his personality.
Even if the loud sound of the mobile phone alert is frightening – you can help children interpret it differently – the Home Front Command alert is intended to protect and guard, not to scare. You can explain that the alert is similar to a red traffic light that stops us in time – not because there is danger, but so that we don’t get hurt. This understanding doesn’t always prevent panic, but it allows us to calm down more quickly and feel that someone is watching.
You can build explanatory stories with the children that help them understand the situation in a less threatening way, such as describing the defense systems as superheroes working for the family's safety, or simulating the security situation as a game in which there are rules that must be obeyed in order to win. We will try to maintain a balance between explanation and avoiding unnecessary scary details.
Practice breathing with your children.
"Breath" and "soul" have the same root, and it is said that the breath expresses the center of creation. Practicing deep breathing is a well-known and proven method of relaxation for children and adults. Slow breathing is relaxed and pleasant breathing but slower than our normal breathing rate. A normal breathing rate ranges from 12-18 breaths per minute.
Practice with your children how to inhale and exhale at a slow pace as described below and use a personal example. In the exercise, we will try to breathe at a rate of 6-8 breaths per minute: Get a straw for you and your children, hold the straw in your mouth, inhale air through your nose and exhale it through the straw, inhaling air without straining and exhaling air slowly and continuously. Simply let the air in by breathing a little deeper than usual. Place both hands on your stomach, and notice that when you inhale the stomach rises and not the chest. Exhale the air slowly, the duration of the exhalation will be about twice the duration of the inhalation. Practice this breathing together for about five minutes. At the end of the exercise, pay attention to the sensations in your body, are you more relaxed? More calm? Share your feelings with your family members.
Family as a main anchor
A smile, a caress, a hug or a kind word, calms and gives children a sense of belonging. Especially in stressful situations, it is important to laugh and have fun together. Our strength is in our unity, the family-social resource is available and effective for the well-being of all family members. Make sure to have shared meals, various board games and joint activities.
In complex situations, family bonding becomes even more important. Create new traditions for the emergency – perhaps a special game night, a shared cookout, or encouraging bedtime stories. The goal is to reinforce the feeling that “we are in this together” and that the family is a safe and comfortable place even in times of difficulty. Provide warmth and calm to your children, but do not underestimate their feelings. It is important that the message is “we as parents have overcome situations like this in the past, and now too – together we will overcome.”
Children express their feelings in different ways and we must accept this difference and know how to respond accordingly. These feelings and reactions are often healthy and normal to an abnormal reality. Sometimes children have difficulty expressing what they are feeling in words. Pay attention to changes in behavior, appetite, sleep patterns, or social behavior. These can be signs of emotional distress. Make an effort to develop communication with children, ask them how they are feeling, and show understanding and empathy for their experiences.
How do we know when to seek professional help?
However, sometimes children show persistent and extreme abnormal reactions. In such cases, it is recommended to consider seeking professional help. Warning signs that require professional consultation include: extreme changes in behavior that last over time, difficulties in daily functioning, severe and persistent sleep problems, regressive behaviors (returning to behaviors of a younger age), or the expression of thoughts of self-harm. It is important to remember that seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and can save the child and the family unnecessary suffering.
In situations where uncertainty reigns outside, home and parents are the central anchor point for children. A calm presence, empathetic listening, and maintaining small routines can make a big difference for them. Even when we ourselves don’t feel safe, every loving approach, soothing explanation, or shared game reinforces the sense of “togetherness” and gives our children the most important tool – the knowledge that they are not alone.