(haipo) - The war in the north continues and its immediate effect is well felt in the public sphere, but not only in it, but also and especially inside the houses, among families.
About the emotional and behavioral difficulties experienced by the parents and the children during this period, which is characterized by constant tension and uncertainty, Daniela Bromer Finkelstein, a social worker and psychotherapist at the Child Development Institute in the Haifa and Western Galilee District, tells in a special interview with Haifa.
Regressions in preschool children
"In the past year, we have witnessed a variety of difficulties arising in children, among them the appearance of regressions among many of them. Parents report children who have already passed a developmental stage and become more independent, for example weaning from diapers or parting with a pacifier, showing more desire to return to past behaviors, which represents one of the forms of expression of the fear that accompanies the period," says Daniela.
"We also see behavioral changes that are not necessarily a return to previous behaviors, but express emotional distress. Tendency to cry and tantrums, increasing dependence of the children on their parents, clinging to their parents awake and asleep, such as requests to sleep with their parents, fear of being alone in different areas of the house, such as the bathroom or the rooms Far away. Hypersensitivity to noises and many awakenings during the night are also a common expression of the feeling of anxiety."
Deep understanding of the situation
"Among slightly older children, it is evident that they are dealing with questions about the environment, such as "Why are there alarms?" and "Why are there booms?". There are children who can see that even in their play comes a content of war with contemporary concepts.
With many young children, it can be seen that part of the language development includes the contemporary jargon in the context of war and they use words such as: "alarm", "booms", "missiles" etc. We recently heard of children who are able to distinguish between interceptions and falls, which indicates the depth of understanding They own the situation."
The feeling is that we are under real threat, and not only the children feel it, the parents also feel the threats and the fear that accompanies the situation. Parents in this period have many challenges, they also have to keep and protect their children from the external threat, also deal with the long stay indoors and also combine work and livelihood at the same time. In various areas in the north, the education system works partially or does not work at all. Some parents are also afraid to send their children to preschools and prefer to leave them at home. These situations often require the parents to manage a work routine while the children are at home.
Afraid to leave the house
Another topic of significance for parents is also related to the different areas and the time of protection. In areas where the protection time is short or zero, parents find it difficult to leave the house. The trip itself causes stress and a sense of danger. Parents of babies and small children who are in areas where the warning time is 15-30 seconds to reach a protected area feel that while driving in a car, in case of an alarm, they cannot get their children out in time and reach a protected place, certainly not when there is more than one child in the car.
Parents report that this is one of the main reasons why they avoid leaving the house, and if they do go out, they will choose only nearby places. In addition, there is a difficulty in keeping the children busy at home for a long time, and when the interest in the home decreases, we witness more difficult behaviors among the children. The boredom and inability to spend energy significantly affects the whole circle of life at home.
Energetic children
Children who are naturally energetic and have a more turbulent temperament, need a lot of energy expenditure. In today's situation, when it is difficult to go to the playground, classes are canceled during free time, in the educational frameworks there is an instruction to stay inside and next to the protected spaces and there is more avoidance of leaving the house due to the situation, there are many children who do not receive answers to their needs. On the other hand, there are children with a more peaceful temperament who naturally prefer indoor activities such as painting and putting together puzzles, and probably spending a lot of time indoors is less challenging in this aspect.
"The long stay at home is in a state of stress and fear," she says, "and when we are all together all the time, we are exposed to increasing wear and tear. For example, a mother who spends long days at home with a baby, without going out or meeting friends, I wonder how much strength is required of her to be with The child all the time, how is her mood? And how much patience does she have to take care of the child."
"As time passes, more and more difficulties are added. Sleep problems appear in parents as well as in children, behavioral changes, burnout, an increase in the level of fears, regressions in the children and a growing desire for social gatherings."
Today we see that many of the children are exposed to screens, when the exposure began at an early age and became a significant part of their lives. This phenomenon did not end with the end of the Corona period; In fact, watching screens continues without a break because it has become a habit in the family's daily routine.
The current recommended guidelines are not to expose children to screens at all until the age of 2, I recently heard of a desire to change the recommendation to age 3, this is due to the negative impact on children's development that may be caused by the early exposure such as delayed speech, emotional regulation difficulties and more... When parents are required to choose between the various screens, the television is preferable, for several reasons: it is not portable like the mobile phone, so it is more possible to control the amount of viewing and allows parents to choose the content that the children are exposed to, in contrast to the mobile phone, where there is little control over the displayed content.
Another thing concerns the children in the elementary schools, who experienced the effects of the corona virus - which included school interruptions, multiple closings, and had to adapt to new and difficult situations. As more and more frequent crises pass, there is a tendency to weaken the ability to withstand the crisis. Many parents report that they and their children have not yet recovered from the Corona period and quickly entered a state of war again that again requires a significant change in lifestyle accompanied by fear and existential stress. Parents mainly report fatigue and burnout.
Bromer Finkelstein emphasizes the importance of legitimizing fear in the current reality where war is present in every aspect of our lives. She points out that more than once, parents make efforts to hide their feelings from the children, out of a desire to protect them, but actually contribute to a state of confusion. The children feel the tension and pressure of the parents, and many of them react to this with feelings of anxiety. When the parents present a different image than what the children actually experience, this may lead to additional anxieties and especially does not allow the children to speak or express their feelings.
It is important for parents to recognize that fear is a natural emotion, and to express it honestly: "What is happening is scary, I am afraid." At the same time, the ability to protect and protect themselves and to act in accordance with the safety needs of the family, to know what to do when there is an alarm and where the protected space is, must be emphasized.
As part of dealing with the situation, Bromer Finkelstein recommends parents to think of fun activities that will involve all family members and not just the children. For example, games that involve touch, such as massages or drawing on the back when you have to guess what the drawing is, can strengthen the bonds between parents and children, offer closeness and intimacy, and provide added value during this difficult time.
In addition, practicing breathing together with the children can help to calm the tension. The exercise can also be done with toddlers from one and a half to two years old: for example, ask them to inflate their stomachs like a balloon and then deflate slowly.
It is important that parents pay attention to their reactions during a time of alarm; It is natural to be afraid, but try to avoid hysterical reactions and focus on the presence of the children. For example, when they are in a shelter/MMD, it is recommended to avoid looking for news during the 10 minutes. They should pay attention to their children and notice their situation, so as not to overload and overwhelm them with anxiety.
Bromer Finkelstein also talks about the emotional state of the parents. "The ability to bear stress and fear over time affects everyone, when the parents themselves report difficulty sleeping, irritability or a decrease in cognitive ability, which affect concentration and functioning. It is important that we do not blame ourselves excessively. We are living in an abnormal time and the expectation to function in a normal way is not Makes sense. It's important that we also have room for self-compassion," she concludes.