How does the "situation" affect you? • The personal changes and intimacy during wartime

One building in Hadar Carmel • Baha'i initiative, Templar planning and Jewish preservation

In Hadar, on Halutz Street 20, on the corner of Halutz and Brevold streets, located...

Percy Jackson: "Harry Potter is like having a genre named after him and Reardan brings up and compares."

In the hours after the 'earthquake', when we debated whether to go out on the street...

The public of reserve servants bears the burden of the war in an intense and significant way

This community of mature people who are in the peak years of their lives,...

Skirmish in the Olive Valley • A short story

Ways of life in the olden days. long ago! The group that arranged a reception for me...
Carmel Castle banner
General banner 050924
Haifa museums banner 081024
Banner Gordon 240624
Wide sea front banner
Economic company banner 100724
Banner Kiryat Ata 011024
Haifa museums banner 081024
Live advertising - wide - animated
Banner Kiryat Bialik Happy New Year 031024
General banner 050924

The law to prevent noise: the amendment that will restore peace to the residents of Haifa

(Living here) - city council members from the "Greens" movement -...

Scene report - missile firing into Haifa and the surrounding area - Tuesday, 5/11/24

(Hai Pa) - Concentration of reports from the sites of missile and UAV crashes...

Watch a chain accident on Route 22: wild driving, damage to 9 cars and one injured

(Live here on the road) - a chain accident happened in the morning hours...

Defense instructions - home front command - there are concessions • from Monday 4/11/24 20:00 PM to Thursday, 7/11/24 20:00 PM

(Live here in the home front) - The Home Front Command refreshes the instructions...

The tense security situation leads many to introspection and a re-evaluation of their character and lifestyle, an examination of their relationship, of their occupation and of the fulfillment of their dreams. "Because of the situation", they will tell you.

Because of the situation, the relationship falls apart, because of the situation, they can't talk, because of the situation, life itself is in a kind of uncertainty, and you can't know what a child is going to be. Because of the situation, the livelihood is unstable and it is impossible to commit. Going to the reserve? Because of the situation we have to, and worry about what will happen at home, what will happen to the country.

And the intimacy? Because of the situation it is less important, and sometimes more important because this situation leads people to ask themselves deeper questions about the meaning of life, about the choices they have made, and about the path they are on.

Noga: From a grandmother's point of view

How does the "situation" affect you? I raised the question among friends, and the answers are surprising.

"From a grandparent's point of view, the situation is tough," she wrote to me Venus. "Studies in Kiryat have been canceled for two weeks, the young people, the second grade and compulsory kindergarten without a framework and it is impossible to go for a walk or do other activities outside without an alarm and forbid we get hurt. So we don't go out. The big difficulty is that the parents have to work. After all, you can't ask the employers to stop the Everything, because then the business won't be allowed to work from home either, and it's easy to tell you that the roads have become dangerous to us, and it was An alarm is on the way. Pulling two children out of safety seats and lying down on the side of the road requires everyone to take a deep breath, and it's difficult.

Feelings of lack of control

Because of the security situation, the tension and anxiety often evoke feelings of lack of control, and sometimes precisely in such situations people feel the need to take the reins in their hands and make a change. This is a moment when personal values, family, career and unfulfilled dreams float to the surface and are reconsidered.

Many ask themselves:
"Am I living my life to the fullest? Am I doing what is really important to me? Do I have a real connection to the people around me? 

The tense situation outside sometimes leads to the realization that despite the material achievements, there is an incompleteness, perhaps a feeling of inner dissatisfaction, a kind of emotional emptiness that calls for attention. This is where the journey to deepening, change and inner growth begins, and sometimes this pushes for change in relationships as well.

Einav: significant corrections to life

It should be understood that change due to a state of tension and war does not always mean a complete transformation. Sometimes it is expressed in small processes that are significant for the quality of life, such as committing to devote more time to the family, looking for new hobbies, or even turning to a new career field.

People also tend to look for a deeper spiritual meaning in such times, connecting to practices such as meditation, mindfulness, yoga, in order to return to a balanced state and get out of the feeling of turmoil that the security situation causes them. There are those who claim that this situation presents an opportunity to ask the big questions and start moving towards a more authentic life, aligned with one's inner values ​​and depths, an opportunity to get out of what is called the comfort zone into a challenging space of existence where personal development and power is felt.

An opportunity for change

Self-fulfillment and breaking boundaries for some people means letting go of relationships that were stuttering and unsatisfactory, but survived out of habit and routine until the war. There are others who find in times of security tension an opportunity to do for others and contribute their abilities to the national effort. Others react by withdrawing.

Marital and sexual function

War situations have a complex effect on marital and sexual functioning. While the tension and stress can impair intimacy and sexual function, for some people the war actually triggers a search for a closer connection.

Einav She works in a clothing store, and at the same time she learned nail art. According to her, her relationship with her husband was routine, and she often said that he bored her, that she was no longer excited by him and that she would be happy to meet someone else, who would excite her.

She had a dream to open a business in the new profession she had acquired, and it seemed that she had big plans. "Since the war, nothing interests me. If before I still thought that I could find a better man than my husband, that I should break through because I am special, then now, because of the situation and the disasters that befall families and young people who are hurt, I realize how lucky I am to have my husband with me, how good that we are together

I don't want to change anything, just that visitors don't hurt me. This war made me realize that I want boredom, stability and certainty, with small and significant corrections that will improve life."

Decreased desire or increased intimacy

Marital and sexual functioning during wartime and in conflict situations have been studied over the years by researchers from a variety of fields, including psychology, sociology and medicine. The studies mainly focus on the psychological, physiological and social effects of war situations on intimate relationships.

The main findings from studies indicate an increase in stress and anxiety levels, experiences of existential fear, which directly affect marital life and negatively affect sexual function. High levels of mental stress can lead to decreased libido and problems with sexual function. The same is the case with PTSD (post-traumatic stress syndrome), a common condition among soldiers and their families, which may cause problems with sexual function in men and a decrease in libido in both sexes.

Increased sense of closeness

Studies show that there is a difference in response to threats and stress in war situations between men and women. While men are more likely to experience sexual dysfunction and a decrease in libido from feelings related to the experience of responsibility and pressure to protect the family, women may experience emotional frustrations related to uncertainty and fears about the future, a decrease in the desire to have sex and sometimes even a feeling of emotional detachment.

On the other hand, situations of stress and danger can cause an increased feeling of closeness. In some studies it was found that situations of danger create in people a feeling of a deeper connection with their partners, with the understanding that life is short and the danger is real.

This feeling may encourage increased intimacy, which in some cases leads to increased sexual function. For example, a study of couples during the Gulf War showed that couples who experienced an existential threat reported increased emotional closeness and more physical intimacy than during quieter times. In some studies it was found that sexual intimacy may serve as a mechanism to deal with anxiety and stress. Sex may serve as a tool for a sense of security, connection and closeness, especially at a time when the environment is perceived as threatening. Physical intimacy may ease feelings of loneliness and fear.

Mittal: I am asking for my husband's sacrifice

Mittal's partner is in the reserves and the distance from him torments her with longing. Means: "When he comes home, I long for his closeness. He hugs, says he missed him a lot and then walks away. It drives me crazy. I understand that he is going through difficult things, I understand that the last thing he is interested in is my passion, but it is very difficult for me," she says "I try to be busy all the time so as not to think about it. The children are adults and my concern is first of all that he returns safely, and also the work and the children, even though they are adults, provide full employment.

In addition, I volunteer twice a week to help mothers of small children whose husbands are in the reserves, and there are the parents I help, so the day is full, and there is no time left to think too much. But there is a slight bitterness deep inside. Such a lack of satisfaction that asks precisely now, precisely in this crazy tension, for the closeness and touch of my husband, and he is poor, he can't because of the situation."

Hormonal changes

Wars and traumatic events damage the nervous system and can affect physical function including the sexual system. The stress and trauma cause hormonal changes, for example an increase in cortisol levels (the stress hormone) which can affect sexual and reproductive function.

Women may experience changes in the menstrual cycle, while in men there is a connection between high stress levels and a decrease in testosterone.

Even after the war is over, the effects can last a long time. Many couples experience difficulty in restoring sexual and intimate relationships after traumatic experiences. This situation increases in couples where one or both partners suffer from PTSD, feelings of guilt or depression.

The sense of security is violated

The security situation evokes feelings of fear, worry and anger. Many people's sense of security is violated, which leads to an increase in anxiety levels, a tendency to be more influenced by interpretations and rumors, and a loss of scale regarding the reliability of the information that arrives. All of these together with the attachment to the news, the alarms and the explosions, dramatically damage personal and social life.

Katia: "I take care of myself"

The tense security situation during times of war significantly affects the daily behavior of people in Israel and consumption habits. The situation shows an increase in the purchase of products that help the feeling of security such as first aid kits, canned food, batteries, flashlights and security cameras. Studies in the field of consumption reveal that during periods of stress there is an increase in hedonic consumption, which means that people tend to purchase more indulgence products and seemingly "small luxuries" as a way to compensate themselves and deal with stress and anxiety.

You Katya I met in a gift shop in one of the malls right before Rosh Hashanah.
"I take care of myself, I buy for myself," she said with a smile. "Maybe it's because of the situation, but I realized that if I don't take care of myself, no one will take care of me.

I'm not in a relationship right now. During this period, a relationship is less interesting to me. If I lost my desire because of the war? can be I'm busy doing things for myself, things I haven't dared before. I started studying, I always thought I wouldn't succeed, I also took a first aid course, so that if I need to, I can help others.

I started going out to meet girlfriends, it's even more support than a partner. I believe that a relationship will come. In the meantime I am busy, and also spend more time at home, organizing, listening to music. The war, this situation gave me order, what is important and what is not important."

develop coping strategies

Situations of stress and war have an effect on marital communication. The study revealed that extreme stressful situations such as war can exacerbate existing conflicts and lead to the deterioration of relationships. Other studies have shown that couples experiencing financial stress during war tend to develop more frequent conflicts and have difficulty finding effective solutions compared to couples whose financial situation is stable. It was found that states of anxiety and depression arising from the security situation have a negative effect on relationships and can lead to a feeling of distance and alienation between the spouses. A study that examined the effects of prolonged separation on wartime couples highlighted the challenges in communication and returning to normality.

Get stronger and grow from the shared experience

The studies emphasize the importance of marital care and mutual support during wartime. Couples who manage to maintain open communication, provide mutual support and face the challenges together, tend to get stronger and grow from the shared experience.

While war poses significant challenges to couples, it also provides an opportunity to strengthen the relationship and grow together, provided that the couple manages to mobilize the mental and emotional resources required to cope. It is important to develop open and honest communication, where the couple shares their feelings and concerns, to create a safe space where it is possible to grow closer and grow stronger.

Limit exposure to news

Experts recommend limiting exposure to the news and setting specific times for updates, instead of following the news continuously. In the time intervals it is useful to exercise or meditate, as well as to find ways to do joint activities with family and friends.

Many of the things that are asked to be done with the excuse of "because of the situation" can be done in other ways. Although the security situation affects every aspect of daily life, from information consumption habits to conduct at school and at work, in order to overcome and maintain balance it is correct to develop coping strategies and create routine activities that will help get through the period. A number of studies that examined marital functioning during war revealed important insights, and found that couples who used their strengths, believed in their relationship and supported each other, tended to grow stronger and grow even after the war.

contact: At watsapBy email

Tammy Goldstein
Tammy Goldstein
Caller, Hilarit, a spiritual teacher specializing in personal and couple holistic counseling and energy therapy to balance the body and emotions, with over 20 years of experience

More articles from the same reporter

6 תגובות

  1. Interviewees are not always willing to be photographed. Many times they prefer not to be seen, out of modesty and unwillingness to be exposed to the point of a photo. In these situations the drawing software helps. In the past, there were illustrators in the newspaper systems. Today the main illustrator is AI. The role of the image, among other things, is to support the content and I hope we succeed in this. In any case, this is done out of goodwill and love

    • Not an easy time indeed. You have to maintain the energies and sometimes it's too hard and then comes this wave as you call it.

Leave a comment

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

All the articles are alive

Defense Minister Yoav Galant's speech after his dismissal

(Hai Pa) - Netanyahu fired Defense Minister Yoav Galant. Gallant led a clear line against the legislation supporting the evasion of the ultra-Orthodox and thus posed a risk to the line in the leading...

A fire in a high-rise building in Kiryat Bialik

Fire and Rescue reported to Lahi Fe: A short time ago, a message was received at the Israel Fire and Rescue Command about a multi-story fire on Naomi Shemer Street in Kiryat Bialik. Upon arrival...

Gallant firing storm - stormy demonstrations - broadcast from the field

(Hai Fe) - Further to Netanyahu's attempt to promote the Haredim evasion law while funding dormitories for evasions, and in light of Gallant's refusal to support during the evasion,...

The new Haifa city engineer: the appointment of Dr. Orit Mertz was unanimously approved

(Hai Fe) - The employment of the Haifa city engineer, Orit Martz, was unanimously approved. The Haifa City Council unanimously approved tonight (Tuesday 5/11/24) the appointment...

A security officer saved the life of a few days old baby

The vigilance and quick identification of a Carmel hospital security officer saved the life of a baby within a few days. Liav Haim, the deputy security director of Carmel, identified...