Longing, longing and memories - we are allowed to feel

Longing is a feeling of lack that evokes longing, yearning, a desire for the person or thing to return. Nostalgia encourages clinging to a past that will never return. Sometimes the longing is the result of someone dear who left, sometimes the longing is for something that was there and left a search for us.

Once it's an object that reminds you of childhood or the taste of a dish that reminds you of the house that used to be. We can also miss ourselves, who we were in the past, the experiences we allowed ourselves to have and are no longer part of our lives. Sometimes the longing is for the safe and contained place that disappeared because of war, or due to destructive politics, like longing for the landscapes and experiences of childhood.

Does not decrease over time

Longing seems to have a life of its own, and it asserts itself and forces us to meet it without asking us if it is allowed. Many things evoke nostalgia. Smells, sights, colors, objects, sounds, anything that connects to the object of our longing.

Rachel, who lost her son in a car accident, says: "There is no greater pain in the world. Years have passed. The pain has not faded and the memories are with me. I sometimes miss her terribly. Despite this, I was able to return to smiling and find points of joy in my life. It's as if I don't think about him, I keep myself busy, but There are dozens of things that remind me of him every moment, and evoke in me a longing that hurts me from the inside. He used a certain perfume. When I spray someone with this perfume, I get a stab in the heart.

He was a fan of Maccabi Haifa. Every game, every scarf, every broadcast reminds me of him. so many things. He loved poppy seed cake. When I make it for the children and grandchildren, I find myself saying that this is actually his cake. The children asked me not to make it anymore because instead of being happy it makes everyone sad. They want to continue with their lives, not get stuck in memories like me. It is difficult. Longing is hard. The longings don't diminish over the years, they're just less excruciating."

I miss Israel

Some say that longing has no end and no cure. We need to give up trying to push them away and allow ourselves memories. The present should be full enough of positive experiences so that we don't have to cling to the past. Longings return and float even when we try to make them disappear, hiding in the depths of the soul and waiting for the opportunity to return to the surface, to remind us of what is not there.

Sometimes it seems that we don't miss anymore, that we let it go, as if we gave up that happiness and only memories remain, and then the longing comes flooding back. The experience of longing can be sweet and pleasant, like longing for the hug of a grandmother who left the world at a blessed age, and longing can be a burning pain accompanied by a great feeling of emptiness. It all depends on the intensity of the emotion that accompanies the longing.

The Babylonian Talmud says (Shabbat Tract) that when a child misses his father, he should tie a shoe strap on his left foot. Why? Because the bonds free the soul. In the days of the Talmud, there was also information about plants, and the common poa plant was used to heal the body from diseases and heal the soul from longings.

Much has been written about homesickness for Israel

המשורר יהודה הלוי מיהדות ספרד במאה ה 12 כתב: לִבִּי בְמִזְרָח וְאָנֹכִי בְּסוֹף מַעֲרָב – אֵיךְ אֶטְעֲמָה אֵת אֲשֶׁר אֹכַל וְאֵיךְ יֶעֱרָב. המשורר וחוקר הספרות אבות ישורון כתב: "כָּל הַנְּהָרות הֹלְכִים אֶל הַיָּם וְהַיָּם אֵינוֹ מָלֵא כּי כָּל הַנְּהָרות חֹוזְרִים אֶל הַנְּהָרוֹת. תַּאֲמִיני לִי. זֶה סֹוד גֵּאות וְשֵׁפֶל. זֶה סֹוד תֹּורַת הַגַּעגועים."

miss mom

Longing teaches that the thing we miss was significant for us.

Natasha Says: "I miss my mother, we had such a strong bond and I miss this feeling of having someone who loves and accepts me unconditionally. I miss the scenery of my childhood, the open nature before they built farms there. Sometimes there are smells in the air that remind me of the flowers from my childhood. We lived next to a stream and the sound of the flowing water still conveys love and inclusion to me. I don't miss who I was then, I'm happy with who I am today, but I miss the view, my mother's hug."

Yana Says: "I miss it, but at the same time I don't want to repeat the experience. I miss my childhood in Russia, the landscapes, my house, the summer house, the biscuit cake at the patisserie after kindergarten, my friends, the house, grandma, grandpa, the programs on TV. I miss the class Dancing to the strict rules, to the seriousness of the school, to a world that has long since ceased to exist, but I would never want to experience it again."

back to good old days

Sarit Hadad sang the words of Ehud Manor: "And you called Farah and Eyes, I remember I was a soul.
Only with you above I floated in the sky, suddenly I fell alone to the ground. There is nothing left but longing."
If we wanted to explore the subject of longing we would discover several types of longing. Longing for the person we lost with great sadness, and we know he will not return. Sometimes it is a person who has passed on to the world who is all good, other times it is a loved one who has gone and left the relationship with us, or we have gone and now miss them.

There is longing for the atmosphere, for the home we had and the atmosphere was happy and easy without worries, for a social space where we experienced belonging and deep and meaningful relationships, there is longing for occupation, for the type of work we did, for creativity that was part of our lives in the past, music, painting, movement.

There is a romantic longing to love or an exciting and exciting connection, these longings can appear within a relationship, such as a desire to return to the early days of the relationship.

Kobi Afallo wrote and sang: "I dream that she will come to me, maybe she will understand my secrets, so I hide in my feelings and my prayer is longing."

I miss the innocence

Liora Says that there is a difference between longing and nostalgia: "There is no shortage of things to miss. My longing is sometimes inexplicable. I can sit by the sea, look at the vast expanse of water and miss to the point of tears. I don't even know what I miss but my heart feels longing. Maybe longing for simplicity , to the values ​​of human love, to peace.

Evil has always existed, but we used to be less exposed to it every minute than we are today. I miss friendships without judgment, relationships of reciprocity between giving and receiving without exploitation, I miss my friends, my country as it used to be."

Racheli Misses the days when she could walk: "Since I was injured in an accident, I am confined to a wheelchair and the memories of the days when I jumped and ran haunt me mostly in the evening, before going to bed. I miss my old self."

Chives Says she misses her young self: "The lightness, innocence and love of youth. A love that has not returned in its intensity. I miss the happiness and also remember the pain and abandonment I experienced then."

Miri says she doesn't miss anything: "Perhaps my senses have gone numb. I used to miss my childhood, Jerusalem, the smells of the dishes on Friday, but today I no longer miss anything. It is clear to me that what was will not return. It is clear to me that the one who was my love and left will not return. So There's no point in missing you. I'm not sad, I'm not particularly happy either, certainly not at this time. I'm just watching, trying to do the best I can here and now."

I miss my younger self

Eugenia Says: "My most significant longings today are for the feeling of protection, the embrace, the feeling that everything will be okay. I long for the feeling that you can simply close your eyes and rest a little, because there is someone who loves, who reassures you that you can trust him. To know that I am not alone, that I have love, there is Who cares for me. My husband died almost seven years ago and the feeling of longing exhausts my body and physically hurts my heart. I have friends and family, but in my heart I am alone, and I find that sometimes I am tormented by longing."

Ifat Says: "I think one of the biggest difficulties is that along with longing comes the feeling of missing out on what could have been. The thought of both my loss and the person who left, and what he lost because he died at a young age, overwhelms me with deep pain."

Revital Says: "Longing is such a deep thing. It comes mainly from listening to the heart and being alone. The desire to experience again the person who is gone, ourselves with him, the longing for the days that will no longer return, all of these evoke a great longing. Even now when I speak, it grabs me in the stomach ".

Sigal: "I have longing for my young self. I want to go back, to the guy I met once and experienced a love with him that will never return and my heart is still broken from him."

Be thankful for what was

Coping with longing can be in different ways. When the person or thing we miss is no longer present in our lives, we are allowed to be sad, but it is better to allow the sadness to be present without it interfering with the continuation of life. You should learn to embrace the sadness, allow the good memories to bring with them gratitude for the beautiful days that were and release the difficult memories.

When we allow ourselves to embrace the pain and not fight it, it will get weaker and weaker. It is allowed to feel. It is allowed to share our feelings with others. The longing for those who are no longer with us, for the days that have passed, for situations that will not return, may instill an experience of loneliness and sharing helps us bring people closer to our lives. The great lesson of learning to accept often comes from sharing feelings. We may discover that others have also been through emotional suffering, who have better ways of coping.

Rachel Shapira translated the song by Yanis Spanos, the Greek singer, and Leah Loftin sang:

No one will teach us what longing is, that will tear you away from yourself
No one will tell you why and why you don't have a single moment of rest
A moment rests in your hand and suddenly it's gone - you won't know who to blame
Only your body still remembers something about her that other people lack.

A very powerful way to deal with longing is to be busy doing. A meaningful activity for us, something creative, sometimes meaningful for the fulfillment of the qualities and sometimes for the purpose of commemoration. There are those who go on a trip that the person dear to them wanted to do before they passed away, there are those who go to fulfill their personal dream, the one who didn't dare until that loss, and suddenly there is a feeling that they should do it.

embrace the memory

You Ruth I knew that when she came to me to receive a message from her deceased husband: "It made it easier for me to know that the souls of the deceased come to visit me. Before that I would go to the cemetery, but talking to the stone is very difficult. It is easier to know that they are visiting me at home. There are moments when the longing hurts terribly and other times the memories Fills the soul and calms. My son resembles his father. His hands, movements, his whole appearance is like his late father's.  

He was a little boy when his father died, he doesn't remember but for me it's continuity. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel that my husband appears through the son. I also miss my grandmother, my family that is no longer with us. I cuddle up to the memory and embrace the memories, it's pleasant but the longing doesn't go away. It comes in waves. Sometimes a strong and noticeable wave, such as during holidays and family events, and other times as if there was none."

evil She was widowed by her husband when she was very young. She was left with two babies and had to work, maintain the house and raise the children without any help: "What kept me going was the knowledge that I had to show my late husband that I could. We were together from high school, I knew him very well, we grew up together. When he was killed, I hung a picture of him in the living room and I would talk for hours with the picture. I tell him what I went through that day, share with him difficulties and successes, sometimes I even felt that I was consulting him on various matters and he encourages me to live and be happy.

It's weird because I grew up and he stayed young. At some point I felt that this is it, he has passed into the light, and I have to continue here without him. Every now and then I feel him, I remember the days we had together when we were young and I embrace the memory."

and you? What and who do you miss? They say that everyone misses something or someone, but not everyone allows themselves to feel it. so that's it. It is allowed to feel.