On good friendship and happiness • Social relationships as a key to health

A Native American greeting says "May you have wise decisions and good friends." It is possible to understand from the term wise decisions based on estimates of emotion and result. But what does the term good friends mean? Are good friends the ones who join your path unconditionally, or the ones who wake you up when your path starts to twist? Are good friends those who accept you uncritically, as you are, for the good and strange in you, or those who try to influence you to be like them? In the conversations I had with several friends and girlfriends, I tried to find out about this matter - why do you need friends, and what should friendship look like.

Acquaintance, friend, friend and those you can trust

There is an acquaintance, there is a friend and there is a boyfriend.

• An acquaintance is someone we know, a simple, superficial relationship, without commitment. There is no deep dialogue or collaborative experience.
• A friend is someone you are nice to, but it is not deep in the heart. There is no mutual responsibility, and there is a kind of appreciation, or kindness that is not particularly significant and without depth.
• On the next step is the best friend. A little deeper than just a friend, a more significant acquaintance, as if to say, a step before a friend.
• Friends are people we connect with out of a sense of camaraderie, belonging, appreciation and trust. Good friends enter the heart. Usually when a person says "I have good friends" he means people who support, share in life processes, those who you can trust and confide in, those you can consult with, tell them things and know that they will be in your favor and keep your secrets.

I owe my life to my friends - Tzipi Chen

Tzipi Chen She lived a complex life and a violent marriage that ended after a period of abuse, years in which she did not tell anyone what she was going through. After getting a divorce she started what she calls a 'war of survival'.

Tzipi says that much of her success is thanks to her friendships:

 Raise 3 children alone, find a job, make sure that nothing is missing and that my children have everything they need. It's not easy and I did everything. They say that when a woman gets divorced, all her married friends stay away from her. I have friends, some of whom have been with me since first grade. My girlfriends saved me during the difficult days. One of the times when the money ran out, they cut off my electricity, one of the neighbors who is also a friend, paid for me. A friend who lives in Moshav brought me boxes of vegetables, and another friend gave me money to fix the kitchen in the apartment, because I had nothing. The shower was not working either. A good friend's husband came, took me and my kids to their house for a week, and in the meantime they gave me a new shower. I owe my life to my friends.

Everyone has a place in the heart

I ask Tzipi what is the secret to maintaining friendships. Many people tell me about the betrayals of friends, about turning their backs at the moment of truth, and Tzipi says that when you know how to give, then you also receive: "I can give what I know. Make birthday cakes for friends, with all the difficulty, be attentive, help with You should, and not to complain too much. A friend we've known for almost 50 years told me, you know, you never complained. No one knew what you were really going through.

She said she and the other friends knew the situation was difficult, but I didn't tell everything. I didn't sit and cry to them, I didn't bring up my difficulty in a conversation between the friends because I didn't want to burden them. I don't like to show the difficulty. When I'm having a hard time, I shut myself up, cry in my room and then get up like a new person. And despite this, many times the companies guessed that I was not well. Although I didn't sit and cry to them, there were enough situations that hinted that I was in great difficulties and they immediately stood up to help me."

Her second tip - to accept everyone as they are

This is how she continues to tell and gives a tip about friendships: "Give each friend her place, and have friendships without interests. In the past I was a battered woman. If it weren't for my friends who supported and saved me through mental help, help with the children and financial help, I would not have survived. To each and every one There is a place in my heart. Each of them is a diamond from which I wove a necklace. Thank God that I am years later and still with the same friends."

Caring friends strengthen self-confidence

Many studies have examined the difference between people who have an active social life and lonely people, and the clear conclusions are that socializing has a high value that supports physical and mental health. In one of the studies it was found that people who have good social relationships in the workplace are healthier and use fewer sick days. Another study found that people who feel welcome and socially accepted feel freer, their self-image is more stable and their mental health is good.

Studies on the effect of connecting to the community and the neighborhood, found a positive effect on the level of personal happiness. Other studies that examined the effect of loneliness on physical health found that lonely people are more exposed to risks without someone to help them, such as situations of falls, a decrease in various functions that cause health damage, and the body's resistance to diseases decreases in lonely people.

Companionship gives the ability to create a sense of security and emotional support

One of the main abilities of a good friendship is the ability to create a sense of security and emotional support. The experience of being cared for and listened to by friends makes one feel more protected and better able to deal with the challenges that life poses. Studies reveal that people who are socially connected and experience belonging and security, do more for their well-being and for their future financially.

Good friendship is the one that sometimes will show us where the path we chose is not accurate, where we deviated from the main point, and out of caring, help will also come to get back on track.

to open a door to new companies – Sheeran

Shiran Tells about the childhood of nomads, parents who moved every few years, moved a city, and then moved a country as part of a mission abroad.

This is how she says:

Actually, I didn't really have friends anywhere, and over the years I got used to not getting attached to a place or people because it's temporary anyway. Then I was busy with my career and didn't leave time for friendships, because it wasn't in my habits. During the Corona period, I was put on unpaid leave and then it hit me. I'm really alone. I didn't really know what to do with it other than to shape up.

I joined interest groups in all kinds of fields that interested me but I was unable to form deep friendships. I feel that social connections can affect my life for the better, make me happier, open up the emotional space in me that is quite blocked to be honest.

I recently decided to open a door to new companies and joined a Facebook group dedicated to that. I have already met several women from there. They all feel it, that alone is less pleasant, that we are nice together. It's happening slowly, but it's a significant experience for me to share, share, give and receive without it being related to work, but simply out of friendship.

Good friends make the heart happy

Strong social ties provide emotional support. Friends who accept the person as he is and encourage him to fulfill his dreams and goals for the better, provide a shoulder to lean on, as well as a space for the person to experience giving, and meaning. People who have positive social relationships are more satisfied than lonely people. Positive social experiences give a sense of belonging and meaning, which can improve the general quality of life and the ability to cope.

"Oil and frankincense will make the heart glad, and the sweet of the soul is the counsel of the soul"

In the book of Proverbs, chapter 27, verse 9, it is written, "Oil and frankincense make the heart glad, and the sweet of his soul is a counsel for the soul", meaning that just as the good smells make you happy even though they have no medicine, so does pleasant talk with friends make the heart happy, even if it is not practical advice or intention .

Dare to trust and find a positive connection - Daganit

Cereal He came to me about a year ago, after she found out that her husband was having a secret relationship with her best friend. Since that day I have lost trust in women and men. The emotional loss she experienced does not let her go.

This is how Daganit says:

My husband had a relationship with the one who was my best friend. She is no longer of course. I lost two people who were so dear to me at once. I can't look at them without crying and hurting. It is very difficult. I now understand the saying "friends are only in the church" - I used to think it was a bitter saying but apparently the person who invented it went through an experience like mine.

Destiny companies and partnerships

I worked with her on processes of forgiveness and self-love, and despite her statement that being alone is best, she discovered that loneliness is not good for her and she misses the connection and connection of my friends. "Perhaps friendship could suit me better," she used to say cautiously, and dared to hope to meet a new partner who would be more reliable and faithful than the one she had. By sharing a fate, after a few months she met a divorced man, whose best friend, who was also his business partner, cheated on him and robbed him of the business.

A relationship is a vulnerable space, but also a space for growth. Out of the partnership of pain, they connected and found comfort and connection. Over time you will have to dare to trust, give a chance and find positive connection points, create shared experiences and develop trust and a sense of belonging in order to alleviate inner loneliness and choose joy.

The good friend saved me - Aliza

Aliza Elkoubi She went through a very difficult crisis several years ago and according to her, thanks to her good company she managed to survive.

This is how she tells painfully:

In 2005 my eldest daughter was murdered. My whole world collapsed on me, I didn't want to talk or see anyone, I submitted a letter of resignation from work and felt that I wanted to close everything inside and out. My best friend from the age of 16, saw my plight and realized that I had to stay at work to have something to keep me from sinking into black bile. She tore up my resignation letter and wouldn't let me go. She urged me to go to work every day, even for 10 minutes. accompanied me, sat with me, cried with me, supported me and took care of everything. She didn't let me for a moment. She would call me until just before bed, take me out for a walk, take me to meetings with her, visit my house. Thanks to her I didn't sink. she saved me

The dog is my best friend - my love

Not everyone has good friends, but it's worth creating social relationships. it's healthy. Some people wrap themselves in objects, different collectors, and the objects serve as a shell of belonging and attachment as if they were good friends. Others prefer animals, and will even say they trust their dogs or cats more than friends.

love Says she has almost no friends, only a few friendships and friends here and there, and the only friend she trusts is her dog:

The dog is always happy to see me, he has no criticism and is grateful for everything I do for him. I feel he is a high soul. I talk to him, he likes me petting him, we have fun together.

Her lover is raising a small puppy that she collected from one of the animal charities, and together with him she also has a bunch of cats that she feeds. I met her at the dog park in Kiryat Ata, and there she told me about the love her dog knows how to give.

Individuals who experienced animal care improved their level of happiness, felt better mentally and physically. Caring for someone, even if it's a dog or a cat, the petting, the animal's care for its owner, all these create an experience of meaning and joy that improves the quality of life.

A near neighbor is better than a distant brother

There are many proverbs about friendship. Some encourage connections and others want to be careful, and everyone finds the proverb that expresses the whispers of their heart. It's worth remembering that everyone wants to feel worthy, wanted and significant, the way to connect people goes through this energy in which everyone allows their friends to feel significant and worthy, and every friend knows how significant it is to have someone there for you, and to that extent, you are for them.

For me, the appropriate verse is the one that King Solomon said in the book of Proverbs: "Do not leave your neighbor and your father's neighbor, and do not come to your brother's house on your day. It is better to have a close neighbor than a far one." Meaning, don't leave someone who was a good friend of you and your parents, don't burden your siblings with your troubles. And remember that a close neighbor can be a significant friend who will be there for you when you need it, more so than distant family members.