The violent atmosphere in Israel: the words that hurt the soul - interpretation and ways of coping

Israel is going through a difficult year

Waves of terrorism, many murders in Jewish society and even more in Arab society, the number of complaints about domestic violence against daughters and spouses, as well as violence against children, is increasing and it seems that every moment another person is added to the list. Alongside all of this, the verbal violence has broken boundaries and reached dimensions that seem to have been unknown above the Knesset podium and on the street in Israel. The violent atmosphere spreads and hurts the soul.

"It seems that there is no restraint, everything is allowed, they go out without filters. We have lost that as a society," Orna says in the conversation I opened about the verbal violence of the time. "It's sad because it took us 70 years to build and in a few months everything is destroyed. Society

The Israeli is in a terrible state. There are no values, there is no tolerance, the caring is gone. We have reached a situation where it is forbidden to express an opinion because you risk physical violence. The situation is deteriorating day by day. extremely worrying", she emphasizes and adds:
"I guide my daughters to keep their opinions to themselves and not to express them in public so that they don't have to deal with the terrible violence. I'm not leaving the country but I feel like we've lost it big time."

Harsh words from the Knesset pulpit

It seems that in the last few months there is not a day without arguing, insults, shouting and derogatory names that are uttered by members of the Knesset and ministers.

Apparently, if the cedars burst into flames, what will we, the wall mosses, say? It seems that if they are allowed then we are also allowed and sometimes even desirable to use harsh, violent and offensive words against anyone who does not agree with us, as our respected representatives do.

Harsh curses from the pulpit in the Israeli Knesset

It turns out that the Israeli Knesset has an ethics committee. Complaints about verbal or other abuse are submitted to the ethics committee, and apparently not everyone complains. But Knesset member Ofer Kasif of the Hadash party, accepted that on several different occasions, Knesset member Hanoch Milbitsky of the Likud called him a "lousy terror supporter", "a coward", "a despicable criminal", "a vile", "a despicable terrorist", A wretched soul", "a bitter traitor".
The committee discussed, requested references and responses and gave Milbitsky a warning.

Another story in the Knesset:
Member of Knesset Merav Ben Ari from Yesh Atid recently called out Mai Golan of the Likud: "Shame on you, you evaded military service", and in response Golan shouted at her, "a hypocrite, a liar", "a wretch of soul" and "a zero". A few months earlier, in March, Golan called Ben Ari a "crooked chicken" and "Mirav Kokuriko Ben Ari." The Knesset's ethics committee did find that Golan violated the rules, and "punished" her with warning.

from the Knesset to the general public

The warning is supposed to shame the member of the Knesset in the eyes of his constituents, but it seems that the opposite is happening - the more blatant the language, the greater the threat, the more violent and humiliating the statement, the more other members of the Knesset allow themselves to spice up the speeches with harsh words that offend audiences who do not like the speaker.

Some say that what is said from the podium of the Knesset encourages rude and violent language in public, and Knesset members apparently give permission to their constituents to humiliate, call derogatory names and express verbal violence towards those who dare to stand up to them.

Verbal violence in hospitals and schools

In all sectors the feeling is that there is no safe place, no place without racism, humiliation and contempt, no space without violence, if not directly towards you, then towards others in your presence.

In Israel 2023 there is no peace. The fear that was previously repressed, floats and takes up space. Fear of expressing an opinion, fear of saying what you think, fear of being who you want to be, fear of belonging to the underappreciated minority and fear of not belonging to the screaming majority.

It seems that the fear urges to find someone to bear the blame, the one for whom all this evil befalls us. There are those who think that everything is because of him, and this causes depression and anxiety, and others will say that the government is to blame, or that those who oppose the government are to blame. From the left and right they talk about the need for brotherly love without gratuitous hatred, tell how the Temple was destroyed because of gratuitous hatred, and immediately promise that this time it is not for free but for a justified reason, because each side is sure that the other side deserves to face a firing squad, and until that happens, they pour out curses and blasphemies .

The violence in the hospitals

In the hospitals, doctors, staff and guards are physically attacked every day, and severe verbal violence, racist expressions and spitting are not spared from them either. The staff members and doctors feel threatened. Studies show an increase in violence in public institutions, towards workers and social workers and also at school.

Everything starts with education - at home

They say that everything starts in childhood, in the home where the child grows up, in education.
A survey conducted in 2019 among teachers found that teachers experience violence from students, but at a higher percentage, teachers testify to students' insolence, lack of respect for teachers, and unwillingness to follow instructions.

On the part of the students, it turns out that most of the students suffered verbal violence from other students and about half of the students were victims of physical violence. The OECD countries, the same organization that is responsible for economic and social cooperation of countries with similar social values ​​and a free market, rated Israel as a country where The rate of violence in the education system is six times higher than in Western countries. 

School boycotts

According to another study, there is a 60 percent increase in the amount of boycotts in schools, and students feel that they are exposed to verbal and physical violence, defamation on social networks and social neglect. According to the same study, over 70 percent of the education staff think that the police should intervene. 40 percent of the students feel that the educational staff does not help them, while 20 percent of the students experienced violence but did not report it to the school because they thought it would not help and would only shame them even more.

It seems to them thatThey are allowed everything

The violence is not limited to one geographical area. This is a wide-ranging phenomenon that can be found around the world, and is linked to a variety of social, cultural, economic and private factors, linked to the weather and the political situation.

It's cold in Northern Europe, it's hot here. There are many words for frost there... In Hebrew there are many words for humiliation: according to "Milog" - the online dictionary: contempt, shame, creep, dig, slander, judgement, zubur, hollow and also insult, tease, mock, belittle, sinot, drop, sting and there is Certainly more.

Why do we need so many words to do something so shameful as verbal violence? Is it in our DNA?

There will be those who say that in Israel the people are hot-tempered, react without thinking, erupt, act violently because there are a lot of "nerves" here. A lot of tension. There will be those who will say that Israelis have arrogance, a feeling of lordship as if the world belongs to them and it seems to them that they are allowed everything, noisily and without consideration, a feeling that everyone owes them. Others will say that it is not so, that everything starts at home, and again an argument will arise and there is a chance that it will develop into verbal violence, shouting and racist insults.

condescension

On a flight in early 2015, a passenger turned to the flight attendant and said to him - "You work for me, sell me chocolate". From there it turned into rudeness and insults and curses and almost beatings. Veteran flight attendants say this happens a lot with Israelis. Almost only with Israelis.

Ridicule and polarization on a sectarian basis

Dana was invited to sit with friends in Kiryat. The uncles who were there called her 'Ashkentuzite', made fun of her fair skin and that she couldn't eat a lot of spicy food without her face turning red. "Afterwards" she says "they laughed at what were considered 'Ashkenazi customs' such as eating with a knife and fork or chewing with your mouth closed and not talking with food in your mouth.

When I said that the denomination is not important and the main thing is the person, they mocked me that because I am Ashkenazi, I don't care about my roots, as if only they know what it is to be connected to history and sources," she says.  

"The Mizrahit" with the H and the E

Leah went on a trip through a travel company. A lonely woman, joined a group of second generation Holocaust survivors. Leah is of Mizrachi origin, she speaks with stressed H and E.

"They asked me if I was Arab. They said I had a strange dialect," she says. "Then they ignored me during the entire trip, they didn't help me get up when I fell into a puddle while walking, and even when they saw that I got all wet, they didn't offer help," still upset by the ordeal, she says that she was cold, that she asked to be stopped to buy a coat, to be allowed to deviate a little from the planned route so that she could buy Clean clothes instead of wet ones. "But they mocked me for being 'Mizrachi' with the 'H' and 'E', only interested in shopping and not interested in landscapes or history."

Economic difficulties and security pressure

Studies explain that in a stressful period, a state of uncertainty, mental resilience is negatively affected. Anger, fear, hypersensitivity, irritability and impatience arise, which lead to violent behaviors.

Children, pregnant women or victims of previous violence are exposed to violent behavior due to the difficulty of defending themselves. The physical and mental factors that affect them cause them to appear weak and the violent people will feel that they can be hurt more easily.

Economic difficulties together with the mental pressure from the economic threat and the fear of the security situation, increase violent behaviors. For some people, also dealing with spending a lot of time in the company of relatives, such as on holiday evenings or joint vacations, tramples on a sense of privacy and boundaries, and may produce irritability and violent reactions.

"Dare to say something and they will eat you without salt"

Meli who participated in the conversation about verbal violence says that she runs away from any information or exposure.
"I can't hear evil anymore. It's too much. Violence in the Knesset, violence by the police, violence by citizens towards others, terrorist attacks, I feel like everything is crashing down around me. My soul is sad and I'm not allowed to say anything. I feel like my mouth is being closed... Dare to say something and they'll eat you No salt. So I disconnect. I don't want to know anymore, I don't interfere, I'm not interested. I have to protect myself because I feel like I'm going off the rails because of this tension."

Violence everywhere

The violence on the roads, in institutions and in the family crosses sectors. She is among wealthy families and in poor neighborhoods. The violence in the family, the degrading speech between spouses and towards children as well as children towards their parents, finds a way to reach all denominations and origins and permeates even the religious society.

The women's lobby in Israel reports that over 200 women are affected by violence each year, and only about a quarter of them file a complaint. About 20 women are murdered in Israel every year. Since the beginning of 2023, 17 women have been murdered in Israel. In the last four years over 730 people were murdered in Israel. At the time of writing these lines, the number of people murdered for 2023 in Arab society rose to 146.

Intergenerational transmission of violent behavior

In a normal state, violent emotions undergo refinement. In a refined state, a person expresses anger, dissatisfaction, frustration or opposition in clean language, and out of self-respect and respect for the other party.

In a violent society, mental pressures, worries and anxiety are created. The person experiences that there is no one to trust and he behaves in fear, reacts in extremes and loses trust in himself as well. Survival mode and survival reactions as if every statement threatens life and you have to attack in response to the point of horma in order to be saved.

A study conducted in the USA that examined the relationship between violence in the previous generation - parents - and interest in violence in the next generation - children, also examined the effect of the violence of the parents' generation on the personal development of the children's generation. The study shows a direct link between violent parents and violent children. Conclusion The study was that children who grew up in a violent environment showed more interest in violent behavior.

The study raised the possibility that there is an intergenerational transmission of violent behavior, and that the children develop violent behavior mechanisms from a young age.

Extreme feelings of fear and aggression

When a person lives with the feeling that violence can erupt at any moment from anywhere, he stops trusting and trusting those around him, and in most cases harbors fears, he feels that he has no tools to deal with it and his self-worth is damaged.

The reflection of a violent society and the feeling that there is no safe place, does not allow Eden to deal with extreme feelings of fear and aggression, and the manifestations of violence increase. Anger and frustration erupt in blunt and violent speech, raising the voice, body movements. In this situation, social tensions are high and there is a high chance that the verbal violence will lead to an outbreak of physical violence.

Poor social functioning together with a lack of emotional development create a burden that may trigger violent behaviors and extreme reactions. Cultural influence related to values, habits and social laws that the person is committed to, cause various behaviors including violent behaviors. Other times a person reacts with violence to protect himself or improve his social status.

In a violent environment the moral compass weakens

In a violent society the moral compass weakens, the constant sense of risk and dealing with uncertainty causes extreme behaviors. The sense of justice and fairness is declining, there is damage to the functional capacity according to basic values ​​of human dignity, acceptance of difference and the value of life. On a personal level, social ties are damaged, survival energy prevents the skills and talents from developing and the ability to fulfill personal goals decreases.

Experiences of mental, social or physical violence may cause mental trauma, leaving deep emotional scars that may affect coping with life and the ability to enjoy positive moments in the future.

Changes in the mental system

A violent society creates a lack of trust in others and the surrounding world, and doubt in the ability to handle complex tasks. The continuous dealing with a violent society may cause changes in the mental system and phenomena such as depression, anxiety, social fears, impotence and even physical problems in the various organs may appear as a result of pressures and fears.  

Loneliness and lack of belonging

Edna, who came to the conversation I initiated, says that the soul is exposed to violence and the feeling is that there is no one to trust, and the experience is of loneliness and lack of belonging:
"My son suffers from post-trauma from his military service. This period makes him very angry and anxious. Unfortunately, this period makes us all angry and anxious. Political opinions become more important than anything," she says and says that friends have deleted her from their Facebook and do not talk to her because of her political opinions its. "It hurts me. Why do we have to sever friendships because of political opinions? After all, we all ultimately love the country and want it to be good."

Wash your mouth with soap and water

"When I was little, cursing was not allowed. My mother always said that if she heard a bad word, she would wash my mouth with soap and water until the dirt of the word came off. I didn't exactly understand what kind of dirt it was, but I didn't dare to say a single bad word. Even today, I am ashamed When I think that my mother needs to hear the words being spoken. Today there are no boundaries. Everyone says whatever comes to their mind and doesn't mind hurting, insulting, humiliating. It's on the street, on social media, even in the Knesset," says Meir, who joined the conversation.

also abroad

Verbal violence is not limited only to the State of Israel. Edna says that when she was in Barcelona, ​​someone shouted to her that it was a shame that they didn't kill all the Jews in the Holocaust. "I thought I couldn't hear well. I stared at him and he made a cutting motion to my throat with his hand."

Genetics and environmental influence

The sources of violence in the human soul can be physical, mental, related to the environment and culture or social habits. There are studies that indicate the possibility that several genes and biological facts influence violent behavior, but the tendency is that the genes will be activated when the social and cultural factors encourage violence.

Childhood experiences, family conduct, education and the possibility to acquire conflict resolution skills contribute to a form of behavior. Experiences of childhood violence and violent stress in the family may result in a violent emotional and behavioral profile.

Frightened children stop believing in themselves

Verbal violence against children is violence in which words and phrases are used to hurt, humiliate and rob children of confidence in themselves and their abilities.

When children are verbally harmed by their friends, family members or older people, it affects their self-image and this has wide-ranging effects on their lives, harming their social and marital skills in the long run. The level of self-confidence decreases, they are more scared, less creative, do not feel worthy or wanted and may develop violent behaviors towards those who are weaker than them.

Children lose their sense of hope

The children may feel that they will never be able to succeed and stop dreaming of their fulfillment. Verbal violence, humiliation and vulnerability can cause children to lose their sense of hope and the desire to improve and develop. They may feel that the future is not as open to them as it is to others and seek alternative, less valuable, inconsiderate and even violent ways to achieve their goals.

Verbal violence affects communication skills and the ability to cope in society. Children who have been abused may feel uncomfortable in relationships with people and some turn to extreme behavior to express the anger and negative feelings they have accumulated.

Studies show that there are differences in the manifestations of the phenomenon of violence between boys and girls. It was found that boys may experience more physical violence, while comparing girls who may experience mainly verbal violence. On the topic of sexual violence, it turned out that it hurts both boys and girls.

The restorative power of social support

A study that conducted an in-depth review of the impact of childhood experiences of violence and trauma on the physical and mental health of human development, revealed that traumas of violence from childhood accompany a person throughout his life and affect his decisions and choices, as well as his self-image and the ability to form normal social relationships. According to the study, the various effects of violence can spread to mental consequences and cause the development of emotional and social difficulties.

The social and cultural environment in which a person grows up affects their development, behavior patterns and the emotional set up that a person develops. Each person has his own psychological mechanisms that help him deal with his life environment. Sometimes the environment causes a person to become stronger and improve his abilities and at other times the person withdraws, gives up personal growth and the joy of life and behaves out of caution and anxiety.

Break a way out of the cycle of violence

The effect on the mind can change for the better when there is social support, help with personal coping, or when a person has unique physical and psychological mechanisms that allow him to survive and grow despite the violence in his environment.

Consider as an example Juan Cuadrado, the Colombian soccer player, a talented and successful guy who grew up in poor and violent Colombia. His father was murdered in front of his eyes when he was 5 years old. The family lived in poverty and in an environment plagued by violence, but thanks to the trust that his mother and grandmother as well as the team's soccer coach gained in him, he was able to change his destiny and break out of the cycle of violence. Today he plays for Inter Milan, and founded a foundation that supports children from the poor in Colombia.

Greek philosophers on violence

Greek philosophy is a key element in the development of Western thought, and Greek philosophers influenced a variety of issues, including the attitude to violence and behaviors in society. According to Plato (427-347 BC) it is important to strengthen the regime and maintain social order. In the work "The State", he referred to violence as a disease caused by those who do evil in society.

Epictetus (341-270 BC) treated violence and war as a normal way of human life in society. In his opinion man creates pain, violence and war and has the need to continue doing so in order to survive.

When Alexander the Great got drunk and killed his friend Cleitus, (328 BC) Aristotle, who was a student of Plato, offered him an argument that justified what he did, even though Cleitus was a brave officer who saved Alexander several times. "Aristotle's Argument" declares that King Alexander the Great of Macedon is the regime, and it is his duty to protect the good of the people and the state. Therefore, he is allowed to kill his friend Cleitus for three offenses: Rebellion - if the friend poses a danger to Alexander's rule, passing on secrets - if the friend tells the enemies the secrets of the kingdom or the king's personal secrets, conspiracies - if the friend plots against the king.

Stay away from an environment where there is too much tension

Protecting yourself in a verbally violent and aggressive environment in general is a topic worth paying attention to. Here are some ideas.

Stay away from people who tend to lash out, speak in a blunt, humiliating and threatening manner. You should also stay away from an environment where there is too much tension. Since everyone has a threshold beyond which stress begins to harm the health of the mind and body, you should avoid being in areas and among people who pass your personal threshold.

It is advisable to work on strengthening self-confidence, developing tools for managing emotions so that every situation does not make you feel powerless, activate fear and anxiety systems, and improve your ability to deal with stress.

For the sake of mental health, you should study Do not respond to any statement, reduce the harmful effect of aggressive people if it is not possible to stay away from them. When there will be an understanding that their behavior is not personal against you even if it sounds that way, that it is a result of their personality and not because of you, you will be able to ignore, stay away, respond calmly, and prevent yourself from being swept into the negative vortex of violent speech.

Everyone needs social support, and social support circles are a force that helps strengthen self-image, helps cope and connects to a protected sense of belonging. Try to reconnect with friends you trust, empower yourself with meditation to clear your mind, and join groups that preserve values ​​and behaviors that suit you.

Stay optimistic. Believe in goodness. Find the good in you and strengthen it. Don't let the echo of the gods get to you. Keep believing in your values ​​and keep doing it in clean language, without threat, without intimidation as you know how to do.

Creative ways to release anger

Remember that every person has something good. Respect yourself and others even if they are different. Look for creative ways to release the anger, frustration, pain and violence that may be repressing your being. Not on people, in the free space or in their protected circles. Dance, draw, sing out loud, do something that will make you relax, love and be happy again as you know how to be.