Gender change in the family • "Even if I don't understand, as a mother, it's my duty to be there for my child"

(family lives here) - This week marks Family Day in Israel, in honor of which Sharit Ben Shimol from Haifa shared with us her personal story as the mother of a transgender child, and also opened a window for us to an inspiring and important observation on how to deal with a family member who is in the process of gender change or adjustment.

Modern Family

Sarit Ben Shimol (55) is happily married to my father, mother of 4 grown children and grandmother of 2 lovely granddaughters, she is currently an activist in the field of dealing with diverse sexual and gender identity. Up until about 8 years ago, she worked as a facilitator and organizational consultant, but following the change in her family's life, she went through a process herself, which ultimately also led to a change in her field of occupation.

Worry that grew

About 8 years ago, Sarit's little son - who was born as a female - then 16 and a half years old, began a gender change process. In fact, the process began at the age of 14, two years before. Sarit says that she noticed the changes in her son's clothing, when he started choosing more sporty clothes, or when he cut his hair into a cropped haircut, and at the same time she also noticed the changes he was going through socially. The new look, perceived as a "tom boy" look, drew a lot of negative reactions at school and negatively affected his social status.

Beyond the physical changes, Sarit says that her son began to shut himself in the room for long hours, which increased her concern even more, and she decided to take action and initiated a conversation with him (as mentioned, until then she treated him as a daughter).

As soon as she asked her son what was going on and why he was moving away, he shared his feelings with her and said 'I feel a son in a daughter's body.' "At that moment I was shocked. I didn't say anything, it took me a few days to digest and tell about it, even to my husband," says Sarit and adds "Both of us (Sarit and her husband Abi) didn't know what to do and if it was even possible what he was feeling, we thought maybe it was just Self search or request for attention…”

Instead of making assumptions, the two parents set out to investigate the issue of gender change or adjustment and very quickly realized that they had a significant journey ahead of them. "In the end, family is above all and we have to do everything for our children," says Sarit.

"I don't have to understand, but it's my duty as a parent to accompany"

In order for Sarit and my father to be able to accompany their son in the process of gender adjustment in the best possible way, they began, as mentioned, to research and study the subject in any way they could. They participated in support groups, made a number of changes at their son's request, such as making sure to address him in the masculine form and by his new name.

"The role of the family is to be a safe place for the child, I don't have to understand what he is going through, but it is my duty to accompany him in the process in the best possible way. I didn't immediately share the environment, it took me a few months to share with others what we are going through and the changes that are happening in the family, I really chose tweezers Whom to tell," says Sarit.

"I wanted to tell the world only after I myself know the meaning of things, what a gender identity change is and all that it implies. The process does start at home, that's true, but at the same time, it also requires the cooperation of the environment, because in the end, the environment also needs make changes".

"I went on my journey"

During the first year since that seminal conversation with her son, Sarit and Avi participated in several support groups that dealt with the struggles they themselves had experienced. Sarit tells how difficult it was to see families who, even though they had already been in the process for several years, were still tormented by a painful internal struggle and had difficulty accepting and dealing with the situation.

From these experiences, Sarit realized that what she wanted to do was to go on a journey to help those families who have difficulty understanding, accepting the change, accepting their child as he/she is and in the process maintain their familiality - to remain a family.

"I set out on my journey, not my son's," Sarit clarifies. Because we as a family, and also as a society, have a role, to adapt ourselves to the changes that happen to the people around us and not to ignore them just because we don't understand them, or don't know them.

Today Sarit is an activist working vigorously to help families dealing with diverse sexual and gender identity, among other things she holds lectures in schools and at private events, and of course, above all, takes care of her personal family unit and leads a completely normal family life. "The whole process we went through strengthened our family, after it broke up," she says.

Reactions from the environment

Sarit talks about the many wonderful responses she receives, about the fact that she helps countless families across the country, who thanks to her lectures and guidance manage to cope and keep the family unit. "There are also bad reactions," she says, "mainly behind a keyboard."

Sarit explains: "People often remain fixed and prefer what they perceive to be their safe place, even though there are so many other options to look at things. Yes, there are people who feel the need to express their opinion through violence and brutality, but I choose to express my opinion through Based information, backed up by data, she says, adding: "I see the change in the eyes of the parents in my lectures. In the end, we become parents without being given the opportunity to choose which child we have."

For those interested, you can contact Sarit by phone: 052-8907769.