Sigal Ezra - mother of a proud child
My dears, last week we told you about our friend Grandma Lily who was very moved by your warm comments. This week I want to introduce you to Sigal Ezra, an impressive and special woman.
As you know, many pride events have recently taken place on the occasion of the pride month that was noted in June and has long since ended. Today you will meet Siegel, who knows the issue intimately and will tell here about her family and the complexity of coping through different levels, from the discovery of the father, the reaction of the grandparents and also about the way to share the environment.
Yours with love, my grandmother
Mother's pride
Siegel says:
When my son turned 15 the vast majority of his friends were actually girlfriends. The dynamic between them was amazing. Something in my gut told me I might have a gay son. As his mother I felt for him and also the difficulties he experienced. I could feel the agony he was going through within himself.
Even today, in 2022, there are parents in society (and not necessarily in the ultra-Orthodox or Arab sectors), who have difficulty accepting the fact that their child is LGBT (gay/lesbian/transgender).
For me, the thought that my son might be carrying such a big secret with him and that he has to deal with it alone, was more difficult for me than anything, so I decided to take action and encourage him to come out of the closet, if he really is one.
To that end, I enlisted the help of his older sister, we became intimate with each other, and she, as she knows how to do so well, did manage to extract from him the secret that he had carried with him alone for a long time, since he was 12 years old.
Our story
Adi shared with his sister, apparently he still had a hard time saying the things openly, so he wrote her a letter in which he described the fears that took over him, mainly out of the fear of "what the parents will say". My son was terrified of the way we, his parents, would receive him, if at all, after he revealed his secret to us.
'fix' a 'broken' child
Many times the first feeling of parents when their child comes out of the closet, is that "the sky has fallen". Parents describe thoughts about the fact that their lives have been ruined forever, and that their whole world has fallen on them. Many parents feel directly guilty, responsible for the fact that their children are "like this" and it seems to them that the education they gave their children all these years was deficient... Parents of LGBT children find many and creative ways to blame themselves and make it worse with themselves that their child is "like this" and often, the first thing they will try to do is to "fix" their "broken" child.
As we know, only about two decades ago people from the LGBT community were still ostracized in society, the discourse about them was much less open and much less talked about than it is today, which made their parents feel much, much more ashamed of their children's sexual orientation.
As I talked with more and more parents whose children are LGBT, I heard from them about the pressure, the fears about and the deep concern for their children. The questions and concerns flood their thoughts - how will he manage? He won't have children? His friends will bully him/her, he/she will Lonely all his/her life... these are all thoughts that frighten them to the point of horror, and cause them tremendous difficulty, which leads them to hide the truth about their children from those around them and remain alone with the secret.
to be just like his sister
When Adi was about 5 years old, he really liked playing with dolls together with his sister, he liked to decorate himself with buns and pretty hairpins and connected more with the girls among his classmates. More than all this, Adi adored his sister. He admired her so much that he wanted to be exactly like her, in every way.
The child came out of the closet, what about the parents?
After Adi finally came out of the closet, I felt and saw how relieved he was and how he really came back to life. Now, this is the critical point where the parents begin the process of coming out of the closet themselves... The phrase "when the child comes out of the closet, the parents enter the closet" is very, very true. That's exactly how I felt and it wasn't easy. at all. A lot of thoughts were running through my head: what are we supposed to do? How will we tell the grandparents? How will they react? Will they accept him? How do you talk about it openly? What about our friends? Who will we tell? Who doesn't? more and more…
Israel my husband, Adi's father, walked like a zombie at home. He felt himself go deep into the closet. He wouldn't talk to anyone, he wouldn't share, for more than a week he just cried non-stop. He didn't function at home, he didn't function at work, he just cried and cried...
"The community knocked on my door"
Alongside this and with all the difficulty he experienced, Azer gathered his strength and said to Adi: "I admit that I mocked the community until now, but today the community knocked on my door and I decide to accept it and you in it" and then added: "Therefore, if you wish, I am ready to march with you in the pride parade , whenever you want".
With all the difficulties I experienced, I chose to see my son's happiness and help him be complete with who he is and what he feels. It was important to me above all, that he understand that we accept him as he is, without judgment or criticism on our part. The understanding that the parent is the pillar of the child was clear to me all along and I understood the significance of my conduct in the matter, from the beginning.
I face the environment
And indeed, the more I spoke about the subject with pride, confidence and openness, the more my environment related to my story, understood more and even accepted my son with great love. Basically, the way the company reacted to my sharing the story about my son, made me realize that the way I present things, the company will also accept them.
What is meant by? When a person wants to convey a message to another person, the message passes not only through the words spoken, but also, and above all, through body language, facial expressions and other, less conscious channels that pass out from us. Are we stooped when we tell about ourselves? Is our voice weak and quiet, or do we stand tall and speak loudly and confidently? Those who listen to us will respond according to all these messages, far beyond the verbal content itself. After understanding the meaning of all these, I realized that this is how I want to share my parents and my husband's parents, my son's grandparents.
And so it was: I told them, with pride and complete acceptance, that their grandson is gay and that I am proud of him as he is. I knew immediately that I had left them no option to see him in a different light than I see him, and they responded in the same currency, as I presented it to them, with great love.
The older generation
Israel's parents took the message much harder. This manifested itself in crying in front of us, gathering within themselves and a marked fear of asking us questions. Nevertheless, since I chose to present things with confidence and showed them that I was fine with the matter, I somehow made it easier for them. Slowly, over time, they also opened up more to the subject. Telling the truth, that as I see it, to this day it is still a little difficult for them to accept the fact that their grandson is gay, but I chose not to deal with it and respect their feelings.
"The Perfect Boy"
Every parent has their fantasy of the perfect, brilliant, smart, beautiful child, who follows the groove and the well-known and familiar path and the norm that society dictated to us as "the right way". When our children follow a different path, which does not necessarily suit the parent, the parent may often feel betrayed, tormented and treat it as his failure. When the parent feels betrayed and feels that he has failed in educating his child, he conveys this message to his child. Even without being aware, he will try to change the way the child chose, to make himself feel "successful". Often the parent will explain that he knows better than the child what is right for him.
The light through the cracks
This attitude, let me tell you, causes severe anger at home, fights and very hard feelings. Well can't get out of it. After I chose to follow a different path and saw how much good it did, I felt a strong desire within me to help other parents who are in the situation I was in, and to help them see the light through the cracks. I realized that through my personal story I can contribute and help so many parents see the glass half full and see the light on the horizon. To understand how much power we, the parents, have in the way we look at our children, present them to society and treat them.
We want the best for our children
There is no doubt that every parent wants the best for their child and every parent wants to see their child happy and complete with who he is. A happy person is a person who is happy where he is, without being criticized or judged for who and what he is.
If I have intrigued you and you would like to hear more, to use me and the experience I have gained, and to hear the full lecture "Mother's Pride", you are very welcome to contact me.
Yours, Sigal
• Sigal Ezra, 55, married to Israel and mother of three children, a daughter and two sons, offers parents for children who have come out of the closet • 050-7760039
Talk to me!
If you also want to share your new path with us, you are welcome to contact me with your stories, I am here, waiting to hear from you, to write and publish here, on a live website here, and perhaps also to inspire other people of our age, who are entering this special and charming age, which may also cause difficulty , but no less than that, opens up a whole world of possibilities and inspiration.
You are welcome to contact me, I am eagerly waiting for your stories and yours.
At this age he barely understands the broad concept of a closet,
So sexual orientation?
sexually?
Boy?
Open a book by Piaget, you will learn a little about the stages of cognitive maturation and above all you will learn how not to disrupt them completely.
Good luck and congratulations to you Mrs. Siegel Ezra. Good week and good night.
Fuck these progressives. Tomorrow a child will decide he is a dog.